good evening my lovely voodoo babies,
have you ever felt unwanted, unneeded, and unnecessary in somebody’s life? this is how i’m currently feeling.
disappointment blooms in my garden all the time. with every triumph there is almost an immediate let-down trailing behind. today’s was quite the kick in the face. my “best friend”, we’ll call her A to maintain privacy, have been at odds lately. after weeks of literally feeling like i don’t matter, she ended up spilling a lot of feels to me about how she was sorry for being a “crappy friend” (her words, not mine.) and we need to make time for each other, etc. so after us crying and apologizing i, stupidly, asked her to be my maid of honor for my wedding next year and she agreed. i was super excited, i mean, who wouldn’t be? your best friend says yes to being your maid of honor and half the battle is over, you get to sit and drink wine and plan the most important day of your life with someone whom you’ve basically considered family for the last 8 years.
let me tell you how short lived that was. nothing is more disheartening, more heart breaking than having your best friend .. your “twin” say “sorry, i can’t be in your wedding. i guess you’ll have to find somebody else.” absolutely crushed.
let me clarify, she’s in school and it means a lot to her – i am trying to accept that she bowed out for exams, but what i can’t accept is that you can have your exam dates switched if you give ample notice. she went from “yes i can be your maid of honor, i can be there for everything” to “i have exam week from april 17th to the 21st so i can’t make ANY function prior to your wedding, except the bridal shower, and i don’t know if i’ll even be able to make the wedding. but i promise to have a girls day with you to make up for it like the week after you get married.”
all of which are fine except: you won’t have an exam every day during that exam period. and the week after my wedding? i’ll be beachside sipping sangria with my husband by then. thanks but no thanks.
to all who are married, or are further along the wedding process than i, can certainly understand how important the role of maid of honor is. you can’t miss an event here or there, you can’t not be there for the rehearsal dinner, it’s kind of mandatory. the thing that upsets me the most about this is A is a busy girl, she’s busy with work, school and seeing her boyfriend – we’re all busy, one thing i can relate to – but, why would you even say yes in the first place if you knew you were going to bow out of half of the MANDATORY events and quite possibly my wedding? how can you possibly know your schedule a year in advance, this is why we plan things like weddings a year in advance so people have the time to book it off. i wouldn’t have been upset if A had said “no, as much as i would love to, i’m too busy to be your maid of honor and go to school/work” fine, no problem. but don’t say yes and then back out 48 hours later.
i guess now’s the time where i need to take a step back and evaluate the people in my life i consider friends, once again. i’m too old for these games, i literally just want a group of close girl friends that come over on the weekends and drink wine with me in our jammies or ones who will do weird adult lady things with me like shop around walmart for toilet seat covers or throw pillows. i want a solid group of girl friends who are down for me the way i’m down for them. is that honestly too much to ask?
as much as i hate to admit, this is one of those times when you realize the people you are down for aren’t always down for you like you think. it’s hard enough having hardly any friends, it’s even harder when one of your best friend bails on the second most important role in a wedding. i’m starting to feel like Pete from I Love You, Man. i need to get me some fuckin’ REAL friends.
on that note, this post is pretty much as over as mine and A’s relationship.
keep it surreal bitches,