thinking back;

good evening my lovely voodoo babies,

i’m having a very retrospective and nostalgic night tonight; *throws nostalgia at you*.

with this year quickly coming to a close, i wanted to take the time to note the things i am grateful for, the things i wish i could have changed, and the hopes i have for 2017. i noted in my last post that this year represented a year of “wasted time”, i think my general bitter outlook on life kind of prompted me to say that. mind you, most of this year was wasted time, lets look back on the good times i got to share this past year:

earlier in 2015, i met the love of my life (i didn’t know it then, obviously). and in 2016 i finally got to be his. the last few months i’ve spent with him have been more than a dream come true. he is the definition of a true gentleman, he cares for me so much and provides for our family. he knows all the ways to make me smile when i feel like giving up, he can make me laugh the most ugliest sounding laughs, he loves me when i am difficult to love, and he accepts me and all my flaws. i couldn’t have asked for anything more than that; a best friend within a lover. he’s given me more happiness in 3 months than anyone else has in my entire life; he is the yin to my yang. i can truly open up and be myself with him, knowing one hundred percent that there is no judgement.  his weirdness matches and compliments my weirdness. his crazy personality, big caring heart, and genuine compassion for others is what made me fall in love with him. i truly cannot wait until i get to walk down the aisle and steal his last name. i can’t wait to continue to grow with him and learn with him, i can’t wait to better our lives together, i can’t wait to build a family.  he is my true north and my soul mate; i can’t thank him enough for all that he has done and still continues to do for me and our little family.

i got to spend seven months with a person who was the definition of what i thought a best friend should have been. she truly was the salt to my burn – unfortunately, life has a funny way of throwing curve balls at us and we had quite the falling out. i can’t deny that i don’t miss her, i do every day. i feel an emptiness that nobody would ever, could ever fill (friendship emptiness). i admired her for her “i don’t give a shit what you think” attitude, i admired her for her ambitious “go getter” attitude. i smile when i think about the time we went to canada’s wonderland for literally four hours just to ride the scariest rollercoasters, get absurdly large funnel cakes and then leave. or the time we drove up when we found out her best friend was in a car accident & his father passed and we spent the whole day with him. the countless times we’d barge into each others room at all hours of the day/night, making promises of friendship forever, laughing til “i swear to god i almost peed my pants”. she was my rock. she never made me doubt the authenticity of our friendship and i think that’s what i’ll miss most about her. while our “friendship break up” was uglier than me without coffee first thing in the morning, i wish her all the best with everything she does in life. i know that she will succeed at everything she wants to accomplish because that’s who she is. i harbor no ill will of any form against her because i’ve come to find that hate is baggage; life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. (thank you Danny Vinyard)

it’s taken me a minute to fully step outside of the drama, take a step back and put all the hurtful words and everything aside and truly remember the good I had in a friend like her. if you’re reading this Jana, just know i never meant for things to end the way they did. i never meant to be on that list of people who hurt you. just remember, i meant everything i said too.  i love you like you were my sister and you will always hold a special spot in my heart.  i wish you nothing but the happiness and love you deserve in life, i wish you all the success and glory i know you’re capable of achieving. just know, i am truly sorry, for everything. don’t let the muggles get you down. 
oh, and please give keesh a huggle for me. 
that’s all for tonight my lovely voodoo babies, remember to always keep it surreal.

until next blog,



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